What to most other men want, in my observation.
Well, I'll start by saying that men in general are confused. At least as much as women.
Their masculinity is clipped by today's changed social expectations, and there is no North Star direction for men as there was for past generations.
I could write a book, or give a Ted talk, on this topic.
There's what men THINK they want, and then what I think they want.
Most men, unmarried and single, want sex, money, and power. Sports star, rap star, screen star, billionaire. And who best personifies these things? Whoever's on the cover of GQ magazine. Most kids don't DO anything about it. But every man is secretly a celebrity. And a woman who can get through his thick skull that she actually views him as such, will earn a lot of gratitude.
Married men, I think have made the decision to become responsible for something more than just themselves, and are trying their damndest to make good on it. Either that, or they are trying like hell to get out of dodge. There is a bit of (positive) social peer pressure among men, to be a good husband and father - I'll never forget the first time an executive approached me about my colleague, "That guy, he's a good man. He's a good FAMILY man." And he meant it with respect.
But many men think they've made a mistake, and are trying to manage a double life, and/or quietly grinning and bearing an unpleasant situation.
Okay so now here's what I think men want: a sense of purpose, a cause worth living for, and a sense that they matter in the world. PART of that purpose, IS raising a family. But it can't be the only thing.
The happiest man I ever met, was this kid who started a nonprofit drilling water wells throughout Africa so tribes could access clean water in aquifers below ground. I have never in my life met another man as happy or enthusiastically on fire as this kid was (26 years old?).
And the men who suicide themselves, I'm still not sure what verbiage to use other than "commit suicide" which isn't right, but the ones who choose to end their lives, lose hope that life will ever get any better than it is now, and likely has been for a long time.
I've talked 2 people off the ledge; also lost 2 other friends whose demise I did not see coming. All 4 of them, lost a sense that there could be a tomorrow worth waking up to. The ones that I was able to reach, I gave them hope that they COULD create a better tomorrow - key word create.
What do men want in a woman? Again there are two sides. One is what men think they want...a hot chick who will impress their friends. "The Man" sexual conquests to impress their friends. And the fulfillment that resembles a wild animal having just made a big kill. I'm talking about sex. The sense of "Wow I got this girl who's a total 10."
What do I think men want in a woman? I think chasing women is a waste of life force, and most men end up regretting it. I think men with a sense of purpose, want a woman who recognizes what they are up to, and are 100% supportive of that purpose, and also of them as humans. Men without a sense of purpose, want to meet a woman who will help us find our way. Because every man feels lost sometimes. Either way, we want that rare, maybe one in a million, woman who can really REACH us.
What are we willing to give in return? We have sayings to each other: "If you don't want to lose it, put a ring on it." "Happy wife, happy life." "Yeah, you fucked up. Now go clean it up." Some of us know how to make our woman happy. Most of us, don't. And I'm not even talking about sex. Because learning about women's feelings and all that, most single guys think it is easier just to pick up somebody new. I lost count of how many times well-meaning single friends told me a situation was getting WAY too heavy, and I might as well cut and start over. Which might have a lot to do with why they're single. But at the very least, men are taught to manage situations, not listen so his partner feels heard.
I could go on but you get the idea and I don't want to click in the wrong space and lose this entire post. :)
