First, I am sorry that you had to experience an abusive relationship. You deserve better than that. FYI I've dated women who were smarter or more educated than me, and I did not feel triggered over it. So it's possible. Although most men are babies so I understand your feeling of wtf.

Second, there are high standards, but there's also a game of numbers. There just aren't that many single guys who really have their shit together. The "6 feet and 6 figures" standard alone, eliminates 97% of all men. 3% of men in the US fit both criteria. Then add things like "in shape", "6 inches," "emotionally available," "not jealous of my brain/degree/beauty/confidence/etc.," and "not already married," and you're looking at many women, seeking a very small pool of men.

It sounds like you want somebody who doesn't necessarily check all of these boxes, but can just be giving to you and not taking from you. Somebody who can rise up to meet you as an equal. I wish you luck finding such a person.